Habla Castellano?

My Castellano is improving bit by bit, so that I can let my needs be known to people at the grocery store, laundry, etc. I can order food over the phone (kind of). I can also tell people where I am from, about my family, where I live, etc.

There are some phrases though, that I wish there were a phrasebook for:

1. I'd like a plain coffee, but put it in a large cup, and give me some milk (not steamed) on the side.
2. This phone jack doesn't work.
3. Does linen shrink?
4. Don't put the frozen pizza directly on the oven shelf.
5. Does this cleaner remove mildew?
6. Do any of your bras come in a D-cup? (The answer is usually no.)
7. No, thank you. Your food gave me diarrhea last time.
8. When I try to go to Gmail, the page comes up all gobbledy-gook (at the locutorio).
9. Please, do not cut my hair in a mullet.
10. Do you have this in a "fat-ass American" size, or only an "anorexic porteña" size?

I'm sure there are many more. Maybe I should write my own phrasebook,